Titanic and my vail

Today i was looking for musics to accompany me

then it brought to this playlist in youtube

containing all my favorite songs in high school.

One of them is Celine Dion: My heart will go on

with great rank in youtube, more than 20 million

for several different videos.

I always love this song

and the story behind..

It was, like the other day, a cheerful day in my first grade of high school.

That day, we 1-3 class decided to go to movie all together: for titanic!

maybe some because of it`s Titanic, other maybe because the handsome Leonardo D`Carpio :) or maybe just to spend time with friends.

and this theme song get out..

when the huge modern "strong" Titanic crashed..

with all those touching scenes..

The romance of this songs was not only for the 2 main players,

it is not that, that made me cry

It was the beauty of the nature..

It was a scene of a grandpa and a grandma who decided to stay in bed

holding hand together, facing the other new world..

it was the resignation of human being..

I felt soo close to death..

we just cannot imagine the time..

and if it is soo close in front of our eyes

like them in that beautiful Titanic

then I`ll probably regrets so many things that I haven`t done

I know I will regret at least one thing if I couldn`t make it before it comes:

Wearing vail.

I know it is not something to wear after we`re getting old..

I know it is not something to wear after we`re going to Hajj..

I know that, that is the best way of woman dressing..

I know that it is written in the Qoran..

I know it is obligatory..

But I just don`t want to wear it.

I felt not ready.

I felt scared of many uncertainties.

I`m not someone religious

and I don`t want to be taught as someone religious.

I felt it just doesn`t suit me.

Altough deep inside.. I want to wear it.. someday in the future..probably in my old days..

And it was that scene, 

with that Celine Dion`s beautiful background songs

that made me scared..

How if that day come,, 

before I even try to wear this beautiful vail..

I am probably not religious enough

but at least, i want to start my first step of wearing this perfect way of dressing..

and so I ask my mom..

and I ask my father..

and they bought me a long school uniform at that week.

and then I start to wear it, March 13, 1997.

and it`s was not scary.. 

it`s just a way of a muslimah dressing 

and so I made this song as my historical songs

and my reminder of death..

Thank you!